i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
