I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
