We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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