I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize