I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
