2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
