she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
