My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
