Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
