Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
