Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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