On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's never too late to be topless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
