"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
