that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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