Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize