she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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