wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
