Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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