just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
