My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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