if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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