i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
