Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
