I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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