i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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