YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
