Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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