It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
