I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
