I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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