The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
