is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
