I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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