Duck Duck Cougar?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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