I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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