Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
