What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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