I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize