u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
