My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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