Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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