you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
did you just send me my own nude
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
