Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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