I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
