And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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