What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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