What did we do last night that was yellow?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
