I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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