I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
