Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
