We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
