Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
