no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
