dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
