i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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