I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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