bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
