This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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