I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
