you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
