gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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