I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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