My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
