Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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