He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
