Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
