Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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