this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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