I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
