I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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