Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
