I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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