More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize