I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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