dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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