he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my poor anus
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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