the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
