A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
