Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
