I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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