pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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