Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize