the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
