my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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