Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
