My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
