And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
