Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
