Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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