i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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