Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
