On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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