by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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