Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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