you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize